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如果是你就好了

時間:2017-10-17 來源:原創 作者:一尺素 閱讀:9
  

  文/一尺素qq1550963284
  
  首發公眾號《零度物語》
  
  獨自走在街頭,寒風陣陣,枯黃的落葉被吹起,然后又不著痕跡地落下。帶著涼意的毛毛細雨灑在略憔悴的臉龐,不由地裹一裹無領的外套,霎時明白,又是一年,春去冬又來了……
  
  離開你的這些年,日子過得很快,眨眼間,太陽升起又落下,門口的銀杏樹添了條條枝丫,樓下賣煎餅果子的小伙帶了女朋友回家。
  
  而我不斷地努力,匆匆行走在城市的每個角落,掛著笑臉假意狂歡后又獨自歸家。只是偶爾在孤單的夜晚,倚靠在天橋上,看川流不息的車路,你是否會悄然經過;看人潮擁擠的街頭,你是否會為誰停留;看萬家燈火通明的窗口,你是否還在等候。后來終于成為了你想要的那種人,你卻早已離開,不再屬于我。
  
  你我在大學相識,相知,相戀。每天為我買好營養豐富的早餐,圖書館里找出我喜歡的書,校園的每個角落都有我們踩過的痕跡。從蒙灰的清晨,到日落的黃昏,牽著手,在彼此的回憶里,留下了不可倒轉的美好時光和那僅有的靚麗青春。
  
  而后,我越來越粘人,也敏感多疑,把你當成了生活的重心,只圍著你轉。你卻越來越忙,不再有耐心與我分享趣事,也不愿聽我抱怨生活的點點滴滴。
  
  愛情好比手里的沙子,握得越緊,掉得越快。我害怕失去,害怕分開,想把你抓得越牢,你就離得越遠。最終你熬不下去了,提出了分手,說我管的太寬了,你沒了自由。
  
  我淚流滿面,不過是太在意你罷了,也就此失去了你。此后,我學會了冷漠與疏離,在心里筑起一座城墻,一旦有人經過,試圖拆下它,我便又筑得更厚了。
  
  有人說時間是治愈傷痛的良藥,可每當觸碰到有你的記憶,傷口又開始潰爛,血流不止,久久不能愈合。總在想為何愛情就不能像親情一樣,一出生就有不可斷絕的血緣關系,那樣我們永遠分不開,離不掉了,可是我又害怕,害怕一開始就不是你。
  
  我也試圖忘記,就如村上春樹所說,我要做一個不動聲的大人了,不準情緒化,不準偷偷想念,不準回頭看,去過自己另外的生活,可夢醒時分,你微笑著的模樣飄蕩在我腦海,那段刻骨銘心的記憶如潮水般涌來,逃,是逃不掉的。
  
  所幸,“習慣”是個好東西,我習慣了沒有你在身旁的日子,習慣了一個人吃飯,逛街,聽歌,看電影,習慣了只是偷偷在心里想念你。在繁雜的工作和生活中,我學會了如何在人情世故里自處,把那些興奮的,悲傷的表情藏了起來,面對別人,只留下了微笑。
  
  看到街上有小情侶吵架,女孩埋著頭往前走,男孩奮力往前追,兩人不顧旁人的眼光吵吵鬧鬧,一會兒哭,一會兒笑。我敏感脆弱的那顆心,又激起千層浪花。那些青春的面孔里,好像也有我們曾經的模樣。
  
  后來聽人說,我才明白,人生中所有的念念不忘,所有的憂憂寡歡,所有突如其來的沉默與嘆息,微笑與眼淚,都來自這句話:如果是你就好了。
  
  

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