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我不喜歡異地戀,所以不喜歡你

時間:2017-10-10 來源:原創 作者:黑臉國王 閱讀:9
  

  我們是高中的前后桌,像所有狗血的青春劇一樣,在沖刺高考這段煎熬的日子里,他會耐心給我講我永遠理不懂的理科題目,細心地照顧我的情緒,可我永遠不將這定義為曖昧,因為我知道,我們愛不起。
  
  高考最后一科結束,他走進我考試的教室,拖起像一攤爛泥一樣趴在課桌上的我,試圖開各種玩笑讓我放松,他很了解我,他也知道對于這么好強的我,高考意味著什么。他拉我去逛街,傻不丁地問我今晚該穿什么衣服去參加班級聚會,讓我幫忙挑選衣服,出于一種玩鬧心態,我硬是去女裝區挑了幾件很可愛的上衣讓他換上,他憨憨地從試衣間探出一顆頭顱,弱弱地說句“我就讓你看一眼就算了吧,我就不出去了”我用力拽他出來,年輕的女售貨員在一旁抿嘴偷笑,看著還穿著校服的我們青澀的臉,自然而然地會想到校園戀情,以為是一對小情侶在打情罵俏,眼神里多了一點神往,呆呆立在那里,似乎被記憶帶離了現實。這一定是一個有故事的姑娘。
  
  晚上在KTV包房唱K,我一個人偷偷灌了幾瓶酒,他把我拖出包間外,嘈雜的音樂聲環繞四周,刺激著酒精在身體漫延,他笨拙地說出一大段話,與其說是表白,不知道的還以為在背情書,看起來是準備了很久的,他一直低著頭,像極了一個犯了錯的孩子面對著父母。我只是哈哈一笑,佯裝嘔吐狀,他趕緊攙扶著我去廁所。總算是逃過一劫,我在廁所里長嘆一口氣。捧了把冷水洗臉試圖讓自己清醒一點,臉上的紅暈已經分不清是因為酒精還是害羞了。讓我始料不及的是,他一直在門口等我,我推脫道要回去休息了,并呼出幾個女伴一同返回。他也不好再跟著,落寞離去。
  
  那晚班群發了很多照片,很多都是他站在桌子上扯開嗓子嘶吼,身邊的啤酒瓶堆了很多,沒人知道發生了什么,也沒人在意,畢業的傷感讓人沒法去思考別的問題。
  
  高考成績出來,他去外省當了兵,我留在本市讀了師范類學校,兩所學校的距離,就算是在地圖上也很遠。
  
  記得高考前老師來宿舍探訪我們的時候說“考上大學,然后坦蕩蕩地來一場甜蜜蜜的戀愛”是呀,高考后我擺脫了早戀的束縛獲得了自由,卻沒了喜歡的人。在校園里滿滿都是一對情侶你儂我儂的畫面,我又怎么不羨慕?他在軍校有空間隙也會跟我聯系,他說會等我??墑怯惺裁從??我那么害怕孤獨,我想要的是晚上走在黑暗的街道有人牽著我給我依靠,我想要的是傷心無助時有一個溫暖的懷抱,我想要的只是一份能給予陪伴的簡單的幸福,而你做不到。你的愛只能通過話筒替你傳達。
  
  這一切的結局,在我不小心翻看你的筆記時早已有了定論。所以我逃避你的好,忽略你的溫柔。對不起,你很好,只是我要的陪伴你給不了。
  
 

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